I Just Had Brain Surgery, What's your Excuse?

Well, I just had brain surgery this past week. Hmm... let's give that some time to sink in because honestly, it hasn't hit me yet! It's funny because I recognize the fight or flight instinct inside of me that kicks in when things happen like this. In my mind there is no time for panic, concern, or overwhelming thoughts. It's like my mind becomes blank to the risk, the pain, the urgency of it all, and I'm able to focus on what has to be done in the moment. I remember being first diagnosed and not really comprehending exactly how serious the situation really was, as almost a defense mechanism. Then again, when things got so bad back in July, I was able to look past all the overwhelming thoughts and focus on getting better. Through every step of the way God has given me clarity at the most opportune moments. In this circumstance, It was the removal of a large tumor in the front portion of my brain.

On the day before Thanksgiving, I went in to receive another round of Gamma Knife Radiation for 7 more tumors that had appeared in my scans the previous week. But, on the day of radiation, that number turned into 17.

On top of that, one of those pesky little tumors, as it was being treated had an inflammatory reaction to the radiation. It is said that 1 in 20 tumors will have this sort of reaction. So, as someone who has had well over 40 brain tumors treated, this was bound to happen. As the tumor dies off, it can react by growing in size, emitting extreme edema and fluid into the brain, and hemorrhaging. So honestly, It was a good news bad news situation. Thank God the tumor was dying off, but in the mean time it caused me so much pain and was becoming a danger to me. Unfortunately, the tissue from the dying tumor doesn't just go away. Many times it can take up to 6 months for that tissue to heal. Meanwhile, I would spend days at a time not being able to move out of my bed because the pain was so severe and uncontrollable.

After a couple trips to the ER, and weeks of the pain worsening, the surgery was scheduled! Honestly, I set my mind on the fact that I needed this done and there was no looking back.

The morning of the surgery came so quick. I was so restless leading up to the surgery, I hadn't slept in 3 days. But, thank God for modern medicine because all I remember from that morning was laying on the surgical table as doctors and nurses rushed around me and bright white lights beamed in my eyes. They slipped a mask over my face as I began counting, " One, two, three, four..."

4 hours later I come through, with one less brain tumor and one of those fancy bandages that make you look like a cone head.

That first night and day I spent in the ICU recovering, and honestly, it was a great time! I had the coolest, funnest nurses, lots of pain medication, and not to mention being surrounded by all my favorite family and friends! I'm so grateful for that time because I am able to look back on it now and remember how bad things got, in order to appreciate how good things are! I'm not going to lie, brain surgery is no walk in the park and not something I'm signing up for anytime soon, but, honestly, it could be SO much worse!

By far one of my favorite memories was sneaking down to the hospital lobby and getting to do what I love most; play piano. 3 IV's sticking out of my hand couldn't of stopped me from having some fun that night!

So after 3 days in the hospital, I'm now back home recovering! So ready to get these staples out of my head and get back to doing the things I love without any pain!

One thing that I have to constantly remind myself of throughout this healing process is that I just had brain surgery!! And yes, that may seem like an obvious thing, but for me, to take the time and just recover is killing me. Every morning I make a list of the things I need to accomplish and when I simply don't have the energy to get it all done I feel so complacent and neglectful. This genuinely hits me so deep. To be 19 and physically not have the ability to complete simple daily tasks is so difficult for me to admit and is something that I wrestle with daily. But God is most definitely helping me through it as my mind always wanders back to Acceptance with Joy. Remembering that I need to welcome all that I have, good and bad, and being joyful where God has placed me.

Pro tip: Don't let your head get cold when you have 15 metal staples in your head. It will give you a brain freeze like no other. Keep your heads warmed in winter, people.